why the fuck is every nursery rhyme about people dying
- the london bridge is falling down and probably crushing pedestrians
- ring around the rosie pockets full of posie ashes ashes we all get obliterated by the black plague
- it’s raining it’s pouring the old man is snoring he bumped his head and fucking died
and fucking died
humpty dumpty committed suicide
jack fell down a hill and cracked his skull
A BABY FELL OUT A TREE
to everyone with finals and exams and big projects due very very soon and haven’t started anything yet
Why can’t there be a male hooter’s equivalent where male servers are shirtless and highly sexualized for their bodies and looks
Male Strip clubs. You’re thinking of male strip clubs.
No. Not a male strip club. A strip club is a strip club. I want a place called Cahones where waiters wear Speedos and are forced to stuff if they don’t fill out their uniform well enough. I want them to giggle for my tips. I want it to be so normalised and engrained in our culture that women bring their daughters there for lunch (because whaaaaaat the wings are good! Geeze sensitive much?) where they’ll give playful little nudges like, “Wouldn’t mind if you dad had those. Heh heh heh.” that their daughters don’t even understand but will absorb and start to assume is just the normal way grown up women talk about grown up men. I want to playfully ask my waiter if I can have extra nuts on my salad and for him to swat my arm with an Oh, you because he knows if he doesn’t his manager will yell at him. I want other men to pretend to like going there so I think they’re cool. I want to go to Cahones during my lunch break at work and when I come back and tell the other women in the office where I went they chuckle slightly and the men around us suddenly feel self conscious and they don’t know why.
i am the world’s best dragon slayer. you ever seen a dragon round here? no? you’re welcome.
i feel like when i’m done with tumblr i won’t delete i’ll just let my blog sit here and then like years later i’ll come on and if anyone is still following me i’ll be like “yooooo guys look i’m grown up! look these are my KIDS! i own a fucking house damn son”
be nice to people because the world is a shitty place and we all need a little help sometimes
I may be blunt and rude, but at least you know I’m not lying to you.
If you don’t like piercings, don’t get any.
If you don’t like tattoos, don’t get any.
If you don’t agree with abortions, don’t get one.
If you don’t like gay marriage, don’t marry your same gender.
If you don’t like something, don’t do it.
But DO NOT prevent someone else from doing it just because you don’t like it.